Monday, August 5, 2019

Dealing with less - less mobility, less independence

I'm chafing.  I fell about two weeks ago, ending up briefly in the ER.  No permanent physical damage, but my confidence is shot.

I can't pretend that the cane is okay any more; probably I was deluding myself.  Yeah, if I could be assured that I would always pay 100% attention, 100% of the time.  Yeah, right.

Fortunately, I have a used rollator that works okay, (and I know how to use it) though it doesn't fold, so isn't great for going anywhere in the car.  I also purchased a new rollator, which does fold, but it weighs a bit more, and I find that I'm so worried about falling when I take out/put back the rollator that I want to hold onto the car with one hand, which really means I don't have both hands free to lift the rollator into the back seat or the trunk.  Which means that I effectively can't drive - independence, I hardly knew ye.  Overnight.  Not ready to stop driving yet.

But I'm walking so tentatively now.  The fall was caused by momentary inattention, not symptom progression.  But I hold onto everything when outside, especially my husband.  And this is made harder by having my left hand in a splint.  But today I took a shower unaided, and got out of the shower unaided  (yahoo!)  Big step forwards.

I've done all the balance challenge exercises that my PT used to challenge me - and I can do them.  Except for the instability pads/stepping stones - so I'm buying those.  It's not my ability.  It's my confidence that s**ks.

I haven't been driving - partly because of the splint, and partly because I know I need the rollator (and even if I could use the cane, I use the cane in my left hand, the hand with the splint).  This has meant an overnight loss of independence which has made me grumpy.  My husband is happy to drive me, but I'm not ready to be that dependent overnight.  This means I need to practice putting the rollator in the car and taking it out.  I know I can do this mentally, but my body isn't quite sure yet. 

Update:  starting to put rollator into back seat, then take it out again.  Yay!  Even drove a little.  Baby steps, but steps!


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